Evil Brewing Within

Day in and day out I can not help but to feel this feeling that is growing in me even stronger

as each day comes to a close. I try to fight and resist these thoughts I have, but I can not any longer. I want so much to close my eyes and never awaken again as for me to do the things that will come.

 

I can’t help but to embrace these evil feelings I have. Should I report myself as being intolerant? I can no longer tolerate the things I could in the days past. I feel lost sometimes as I do not know where to turn or even why I have to make that turn in the first place.

 

It would seem that no one really knows me. I blame myself for that as I will not let anyone in, I never have and find it very hard to even think of allowing it to happen now. For me to do such a thing is a sign of weakness, there is no place in my life for weakness.

 

What makes a person weak? Why are so many people weak-minded, and when they get smacked by someone who is not weak-minded they whine and cry to everyone about everything like one big daytime TV drama show? I am speaking about everything and I am speaking about nothing as I write this. Those who become offended that is your personal problem, go find your mother and smack her for giving you life.

 

I feel that I have changed a great deal since the first days, some changes I don’t like, some I do. I know that a “heart filled” person would say “talk with people; it will make you feel better.” Give me break!

 

The thing I hate more than a goody goody are these self-righteous shits who go off and do things on their own, get caught, punished and or lose everything then come back to others and try to play father/ mother knows best. I remember seeing people like this when I was in the states. They are all over the place. I avoid them bastards like they have the plague. The most hated ones for me are these teen mothers, or young mothers and fathers (under 18 ) trying to tell me shit as if they have been around since the birth of Christ or something. Those are the ones I want to grab by the neck, lift from the ground and hold until their lungs draw their last breath.

 

Still think you know me? The only true person that knows me is my mother, no other can possibly know me as well as she. Don’t fool yourself if you think that you do. There are only simple little rules that keep me from becoming something you would never want to see ever, or something you would not think I could become.

 

I will not say what the rules are; it’s not really anyone’s business. Besides, I will not post them here for everyone to try to test me on, that would not be advisable.

 

Well, I think I will bring this to a close for now. I have said what I have to.

 

-H