Greetings, Long time no write.  I was a little busy with the renovations of Pacidlux which by the way looks good.  My lil’ Sis Nickie and Bro Mus along with loz has done well in their work.  Nickie did very well on the garden area I have already had several good comments about it.  Mus the station looks great!  Now what to do with all that room? LOL we  will figure something out.

Now, every so often I write about something that drives me insane. It helps so that I don’t really go out and put people’s heads on poles as I really want to do to some of these morons out there.  The thing this week that is pissing me off to no end and back again are these MORON Bloodline users.  I myself am a Bloodline user; however I am into the RP of it. The MORONS I’m talking about are these assmonkeys  that hang around the newbie areas waiting to bite everything on two legs. Kind of reminds me of prostitutes on the corner somewhere. All these monkeys do is spam everyone if they could bite them, not even taking the time to talk with the person or anything.  Ok.. Ok.. some do say a few words like ” I’m a vampire I want to bite you”  or some retarded line like that. They make me want to yank their teeth out and ram them up their asses.  These guys don’t have a clue about what Bloodlines actually is. They have never read the story lines, books or anything based on it.  The more I think about it the more my blood boils. These morons make it harder for the ones that actually do use the Bloodlines as it was intended.  Mostly it’s become a moron magnet. 

I am very happy for the clan that I am in. I am happy for many reasons because as far as I know none of our members have done the above bullshit, unless I don’t know about it yet.  If they have, they need their heads yanked off as well. 

Well, that is my rant for the week, at least until some other ass monkey does something to irritate me.

Thanks for reading.

H.

I think that the picture next to this article is saying just about all that this is about. I am starting to question if I should stay with PDSL or not. I have so many doubts that are doing on in my mind right now. The doubts that everyone else is serious about what PDSL stood for in the past and what it stands for now.  I am very disappointed in everything these days and it’s not just pointed at one.  Well actually it is pointed at one. The one person who was involved with PDSL so long ago and is no longer with PDSL, yet her name still bounces around the station whenever something goes wrong, or when someone wants to complain about something. They always refer back to the days when she was here as being the start.  They are correct however what really pisses me off is that time is over!  This woman and her sympathizers still try to dig into PDSL even to this day.  It’s like a damn worm boring into the foundation of PDSL and keeps going.  When does this BULLSHIT END!  It really pisses me off when people complain about things and the only they have is something that happened almost a year ago.  Im thinking if you don’t have anything that is current that does not have anything to do with that parasite whose name always come up don’t say a word!

The next thing that is really wearing me is that whenever the high command says something to correct the senior team, they often complain about it and then as I was called the other day “WHINE” about things the senior team is doing wrong. 

I am seriously in the thoughts of resigning from PDSL. The problem is that I have never “quit” from something before.  However I am thinking that in order to keep my mind and keep from being the “dictator” as I know that comment is roaming around in the minds of everyone lately because I did not like the actions of them lately and I voiced that.  How dare I do such a thing??!! Who in the fuck do I think I am to tell them to maintain themselves in a professional manner while on my sim.  How fucking dare I! 

My bro Gen and I were working on what the new sim “Faunatia” would look like once it comes to the main grid, however that image is coming even closer to me and it appears that Pacidlux will become that tropical island for relaxation.  I will erase everything of the past, including PDSL in order to save myself from leaving from SL totally.  I need to recapture the fun of SL before it’s too late. 

-H

Well, here I am again writing. It’s been awhile.  I am writing to get some things off my mind for now, or maybe perhaps find an answer to something that is very dangerous for me…boredom. 

For the past few weeks I have been felling this off kind of feeling that makes me feel distant to others. I don’t know if I am bored or what, but it’s never a good thing to get me bored, who knows what I might do?  In my boredom, I have already changed the underwater display for my sim, as well as changed the shopping areas. … and all because I was bored out of my mind. 

I thought perhaps it was because I was doing the same thing over and over again, so I decided to play on a role playing sim for some time; however I am starting to feel it again the boredom setting in. I hate when that feeling comes over me, I feel like I want to just blow shit up or something.  I stopped going to the RP sim for now anyway, but still thinking about something else to do.

Another problem that I am having is that .. I am not feeling close to those that were close to me before.  I think because I barely see them and also I’m just bored so everything is troublesome to me at the moment.

Who knows what will happen. ..

There was as interesting story in Newsweek that I found today about a 15 year old gay boy who was murdered while he sat in class in his school. Read more about it here.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/147790

 My Thoughts:

This is a very interesting story, sad but interesting. I am don’t know if I am looking at this outside the box or what, but in reading what everyone else is saying I am wondering if anyone has stepped outside the box for a moment and looked in at what happened. It is very sad that two young men lost their lives (one dead, one going to prison).  For me it is not about who was gay or who was straight, it’s a matter of 100% total failure on the part of both sets of parents, the school system for not trying to stop everything that was going on within their walls, the last time I checked they do have that ability.

 Still wondering what I am talking about? Ok.  The father/caregiver as well as the system knew there was a problem with Larry from the start due to his behavior (not gay). The parents/caregivers knew something was wrong with him and instead of getting him the help he needed they just “talked” with him. They were trying to play counselor with problems they had no idea about. That was their fault.

 The school system should have being paying more attention to what was going on. If the entire school is talking about this Larry kid to me that would be a disruption to the learning process. It was very brave for him to express himself as he did. If he thought he was gay or felt he was gay great that means he had came to terms with his self, however going by the story it would seem that he was trying to force his being gay onto others. I have seen this done before. There is a small fine line between being tolerant of others and being forced to take it. The school should have acted on the complaints that were coming from the teachers and students if he was harassing the males in the locker rooms, and or hall ways. I know for a fact had this been a male doing the same activities to a female student, he would have been drawn and quartered at the first sign of the always tossed around “sexual harassment” that is always brought up when ever there is a problem at work, school or anywhere between a male and female. To me it’s their trump card, the same as the others always pull the race card out when something is wrong between people of different ethnic backgrounds. Why did someone not pull the Sexual harassment card out on this one? Why didn’t any other the other male students tell their parents about this, and if so why did they not go to the school about this?  Makes you wonder.

 Now about Brandon, I don’t know him but out of all the comments I have read and after reading the story several times one question plays in my mind.  What if the story about Brandon and Larry were real? Supposed that Brandon was hiding in the closet and was afraid to come out? He could have been very upset with Larry for being so open about it when he is hiding. Or it could just be another case of a society or weak minded people being taunted by things in their mind that they should be able to block. No matter what anyone says to me or what they show me a person that is unable to control their emotions no matter the situation is weak. Brandon let the comments and actions of Larry get to him making him feel little in front of his friends and so in a “temporary rage” as the courts will say he acted in the only way he knew how.. He killed Larry.   It’s sad that this 100% totally avoidable event occurred, but as I said before I blame the Parents/Caregivers, the School system, Brandon and Larry for this. Everyone had an equal part in causing the end of two young lives. To Larry, may you rest in peace. To Brandon I hope you can get your head together and get the help you need no matter where they send you.

 Oh and just for the record I am not gay, but I don’t have plenty of friends that are. I am in Thailand, so even some of my friends are lady boys (transgender people). Thai society looks at them as something different as to the way western societies would. Its amazing that all the so called 1^st world counties could still learn a thing or two from the so called 3^rd world countries. Think about it.

Welcome to Hell! We have a nice place set for you.  The events over the past few weeks, and more so over the past few months have greatly taken their toll. Humans (People) are strange creatures. I have been trying to figure them out since my death, and all I can come up with is that most humans are retarded hairless apes who resort to their primal instincts when things get hard on them. They whine, they cry, they cuss and they fight. Waaaa wahhh wahhhhh!  And I don’t mean this towards anyone directly.

Humans also like to judge others based on emotion as to using facts to place judgments on others. I know what you are thinking, yes I too placed judgment on humans when I said they are retarded hairless apes, but you know what. My judgment is based on factual study since I was a kid, so it’s not an emotional useless fictional judgment. A prime example of placing fictional judgment would have to be the situation that I am in the middle of YET AGAIN!!!!  For some odd off the path reason they are all under the impression that I am being manipulated or controlled by another person, however their ideas are based on the “Monkey See Monkey do” thing.  One person says it, and everyone else believes it to be correct. I have seen this countless times working in the RL police department. You cant ask a group of witnesses what they had just seen moments ago, as they will start looking at each other and you will get one person who speaks and all of a sudden everyone agrees, when in fact it’s all wrong. Why do you think the police separate witnesses? They do it so they can get 30 different stories, because somewhere in the middle the real event is there. You just have to put it together.

In my case, due to the actions of my friend; I have been marked and labeled as being “Under the influence, Manipulated, Controlled or a puppet” of my friend. Quite frankly I’m fucking irritated with it. I am getting so fucking tired of telling these morons the same fucking line. So I will say it for the last time, if I hear it again. I will say nothing. I will simple mute, Eject from Group, and Estate ban the next moron who comes to me with this manipulation bullshit.

(Directed to any and all persons who keep contacting me about this shit) I strongly suggest that if you have any problems with what has happened between EH and GJ, I suggest you talk to them about it  I AM NOT FUCKING INVOLVED  and will not entertain your gripes, complaints or any other bullshit you have to say in reference to EH, and GJ. You never came to be before with a problem, don’t bring that shit to me now.

H

I have already asked “Who am I?” now I am asking “Where am I?” It is strange to ask such questions of oneself; however I still must ask this one. It is truly a loss of oneself if these simple 2 questions can not be answered from within. The reason that I ask myself who I am is because I am not even sure at the moment.

Last night while enjoying some fishing my bro asked me if I was ok or not, however my answer was something that caused a concern for him. I told him that I am ok, but feeling distant. Which I am still feeling today, very very distant.

I have many things on my mind in reference to everyone else. The main point is that I am feeling that I do not want to get too close to anyone, so I am starting to become withdrawn from others. I am one of the Cmdrs. for my group and was very open before about having around or just having fun with everyone from the group when we were not working, but now…. I will not do it.  I am only going to be about the business. I will not allow personal thoughts and or feelings get into the way. When I am on duty I am there in a business capacity, when I am finished duty, I separate and stay away from others on a personal level.  

There are a few that I will not be like this with, however it will still be there for a short while; at least until I can set myself to where I am comfortable.

I am afraid that for some, the Hechicero of the past is gone.

I have been thinking lately about many things, and have spoke with many about those things. I have plenty to ask myself, as I don’t have the answers.  Am I still me or have I become a shadow of my former self? When does all of this end? And when do I awaken from all of this?

Sometimes I wonder if I have allowed trust to blind me. By being blind have I totally lost control over everything?  I just don’t know right now.  I want to so much to say to hell with everything and create a land that is calm and peaceful. No battle, no drama, no complaints no nothing but quiet times, relaxing environment and plenty of scuba diving and such.

When I make this wonderful new land, do I share with friends, open to the public so they too can enjoy such beauty that is to come?  I don’t know, as they both bring with them a whole lot of baggage such as DRAMA.  I’m thinking if I wanted to be around so much drama, I would turn on the Hallmark channel on my TV or would have become a drama star myself. 

I don’t have the answers for the above questions, and even more so for the question of “Who am I?” 

What is the sence of having a meeting to make changes, if its not going to be followed or someone has a fit about it after agreeing on the planned changes.  Again it’s the I want this, I want that oh, but it’s for Hech to decided. WELL I did decide and it’s still Waaaa waaaa waaaaa.  I have had it with the bullshit.

As of June 20 2008 I will have resigned from PDSL to focus directly on Pacidlux. It cost money to keep a sim running, I make a good salary however I don’t see the point in tossing good money away on a sim just to get so much shit from everyone in return.  Where is the golden egg or the fucking pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. You know why I can’t find it. Because it’s NOT THERE! 

I just can not deal with this shit again, no fucking way.

-H-